100 Word Challenge Week #36
It was 12:00 pm. Spot’s ears perked up
beside me. His kind eyes turned to a worried panic. I became apprehensive. Spot
leaped off my bed and glared at the unopened blinds. Hesitant, I sauntered over
to the shutters and pulled it’s string. I peered outside my apartment window
only to witness chaos. Pedestrians frantically running and screeching. At the
time I didn’t understand what had happened. I was aghast, but in the corner of
my eye I saw a masked man pointing a shotgun at a woman’s head. “BANG”
Disgusted, I ran to the washroom.
Hi Barcalusa,
ReplyDeleteThis is a clear, well-constructed (in terms of sentence and plot) story with real narrative confidence. Spot serves as an effective device for communicating emotion (following the classic advice to writers to 'show, not tell'). I would say your use of "sauntered" is perhaps slightly misguided, as sauntering suggests carelessness or relaxation. You have also got confused between "it's" and "its", which I notice also happened in your last story. It is a very common mistake to make, but if it helps, my teacher taught us to imagine that 'it' and 'is' had a car crash and the 'i' from 'is' died, floating up as an angel (apostrophe), forming the new word, 'it's'. I don't know if that helps, but that's how I remember the differnce. Overall, very well done on a skilfully executed story!
Best,
Elise (Team 100) - London :)
Hi Barcalusa!
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed reading your story, although it was quite scary! I thought you used some really great language, such as "apprehensive" and "chaos", and I also thought that you used really great sentence structure, providing a variety of long and short sentences that created different effects on the reader.
The main thing I noticed is that you didn't mention what kind of animal Spot is- I'm assuming a dog?
Ana,
Team 100, Oxford, England